BOI vs. BROTHERLY LOVE

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 05:42:37 GMT

If there’s one thing in life I’m sure I can rely on, I would breeze past gravity and celebrity divorces and tell you that that single thing is that bois stick together. No bond is greater, no friendship is stronger than that between bois. Don’t ask me to explain it, you’d be better off solving the Da Vinci Code. All I can say is that much of the magic lies in the fact that we always put each other over girls, er, femmes. (You know, the ones that we date. Or just sleep with.) You would never see a boi blowing off her buds to go to dinner with some girl. That doesn’t fly. We are very important to each other. And why? I will tell you my friend, there is no greater joy than hanging out with someone just like you. You talk about girls (and you all like the same femme kind), you talk about your fashions and mannerisms (and you all have the same butchy kind), and you get up to mischief. Have you ever seen a guy and his friends? …yeah, it’s like that. Booze, womanizing, and all! There is no greater pleasure than this comeraderie.

I found this out firsthand. Boi brotherhood is literally programmed inside us, like turtles that hatch and return to their parents across the ocean. When I made my transition from tomboy to boi, I found for the first time that I had an insatiable yearning for boi kinship. (No small feat in my area; a town this small only has one, and that’s me.) Never before had I felt a desire to make friends with other butch types, but now it was overwhelming. I tell you, it’s programmed right into bois!

Finding bros of my own was easier said than done, though. Once I was at a school basketball game and a member of the opposing varsity team looked extremely… hopeful. I struck up a conversation with said dyke at the concession stand and all was right in the world. Bois gravitate to each other and once joined, are inseperable. I personally only have precious few boi buds, but they’re very valuable to me.

There’s a good chance you’ve head the expression “Bros before hoes”, and not just if you supported Obama during his campaign against Hillary. Those flashy player guys who wear grillz invented the phrase, because brotherhood means far more them than bitches, er, I mean women. But I bet you’ve guessed what comes next: If you guessed 50 Cent secretly has a vagina and is one of us, you’re wrong! (I think.) If you guessed bois also say “Bros before hoes”, you would be right! Yes indeed, the general consensus of the boi community, and a big part of the reason why the rest of the lesbian world disapproves of our scene, is that women (femmes) are mainly objects of sex, and bros are wayyy more important. Except for the whole sex-object thing, which I partly disagree with, I agree with the rest. (I do see girls as people, and treat them with respect, I just screw around and don’t really do the whole monogamy thing. We’re not too big on monogamy…) Yes, boi friendship is that sacred. Screwing with it is like screwing with the Ark of The Covenant… Have you seen Raiders of The Lost Ark? ‘Nuff said.

But sometimes brotherly love goes a bit further. It may be catching on, but boi/boi attractions are still uncommon. Traditionally (did I really just say traditionally? That’s a good one.), bois are mostly always paired with and attracted to femmes. But some aren’t. These are “lovingly” referred to as “fagbois”. (Get it? I thought it was clever when I heard it.) This reminds me of the curious way that, unlike the gay male community, there are both “boys” and “girls” in the lesbian community, as in butches and femmes. And, check this out, it makes my head hurt, that makes fagbois gay lesbians. Ouch, what a paradox!

Just cause I don’t swing that way, it doesn’t mean I think it’s icky or something. I may not be up for that level of brotherly love (I for one am a straight lesbian), but it doesn’t bother me when a bro makes a pass at me. Which has happened. I still love them, but I have to admit, it’s utterly awkward. What do you do when your bro admits she likes? I said, “Man, that means so much to me, you have no idea. I do love you, but you’re not my type. I can’t, I’m into femmes.” She understood. We’re tight to the end. And that’s cause us bois are just like that. We’re connected real deep down, and we’re super lucky to have that bond.

…Oh, I promised I wasn’t gonna cry!

BOI vs. LABELS & STEREOTYPES

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 13:28:05 GMT

Do we all know what a boi is? I do, and that’s really all that should matter since this is, after all, my blog. But I wouldn’t feel totally comfortable until I had all my bases covered, so it would be my pleasure to define this scene, label, lifestyle, call it what you will.

It’s tough to define a boi in only a few sentences. Hell, it’s hard enough to explain it only in words. What I really need is an exhibit… A screening of an educational video about us on a plasma screen over here… models to exhibit the fashion, decked out in jeans and ties and some pinstripes here and there… a diorama of the club scene… Kate Moennig, Dani Campbell, and myself in the doorway shaking guests’ hands… I think that would explain things far better. (Look for it in a city near you).

Back on subject, boi isn’t just a subspecies of lesbian (you did know I was talking lesbians the whole time, right?). It’s sexuality. It’s identity. It’s attitude. It’s fashion. It’s a lifestyle. But first and foremost, it’s a noun.

A boi, in layman’s terms, is a lesbian who is androgynous but leans towards the masculine side and shys away from femininity. Bois, like the boy for which they are named, have an aversion to responsibility and commitment, wanting to have fun all the time and have no adult worries, therefore making the term boi more fitting. You don’t see us calling ourselves “man” for just that reason. “Bois are young, hip, party-friendly, and sex-positive.” And don’t we love it.

I’m not going to outline the difference and similarities between boi and butch right now. “BOI vs. BUTCH” will have to wait for another time.

But really, what’s in a name? I’ve heard the expression (most frequently from bisexual emo kids), “I’m not a soup can, don’t label me”. Well then sweetness, go ahead and put this can of boi soup on the stove, cause I couldn’t care less about being “labeled”. Am I alone in feeling it’s a good thing? Lots of lesbians say, “Labels just split us apart. I’m just me, there’s too much to me to fit in one single word.” Alright then ma’am, so you’re complicated. Kudos, you’re an individual. I for one like these words. There’s just something about being part of a group, and the ease of condensing your identity into one succinct word you can pick up and carry around in the pocket of your jeans.

For example:

“Describe yourself,”

“Well as a lesbian, I’m definitely leaning on the butch side, but kinda more new-school than that. I’m feeling like I could certainly be more in style that just ‘butch’. I mean I do spend ages getting clothes and picking out sunglasses, and I care a lot about how I look and smell, BUT I’M STILL BUTCH! Oh yeah, I like femmes and nearly-straight girls. Uh, maybe I’m like a metro guy with a vajayjay. Could I say that? Does that work?”

OR:

“Describe yourself.”

“I’m a boi.”

“Oh, me too! Wanna go get drinks some time, bro?”

…I’m liking option #2 a lot more.

Well, if I’m gonna be totally honest, which of course I will be and have been the entire time, I’d say the boi movement is shattering everyone’s pre-emptive judgments about lesbians.

“What? If a lesbian is masculine, doesn’t she wear flannel and a crew cut, fix cars, and hold hands with a sporty vegetarian chick with shoulder-length hair? I have never heard of them in aviators and Converse, taking girls from under their boyfriends’ noses, having frequent one-night-stands, and having a little black book instead of a cat. This is crazy! It’s like dykes are getting cool or something!”

Really blows your mind, doesn’t it?

Take that, old school (and KD Lang). I think you’re getting kind of… old.

astro_boi2

BOI vs. BROTHERLY LOVE

BOI vs. LABELS & STEREOTYPES